5 Sweeteners: acceptance, fewer "I's", perfect day, rawdogging, Rilke

Hello there! Recently I noticed how much content there is about optimization — think productivity hacks or systems — and felt like something was missing. Self-improvement is critical, but so is self-enrichment.

Here are 5 things (tools, insights, musings) that are enriching my life right now.

I hope this Sweetens your Sunday.

1. A tool that’s enriching my life right now: acceptance.

For the first year or so of my struggle with long covid, I fought myself. Sure, my day-to-day reality wasn’t fun, but my fear was worse: What if I never worked again? What if I never talked as fast as I used to? What if I never went back to Barry’s?

I obsessed over this fear, on one hand feeling hopeless to the lack of control that I had and on the other, trying to control everything I could that might better my health.

I should have been going for R&R, but it was more like C&C (commiseration and control).

If I had a few good hours of energy without brain fog, I’d waste it on C&C. At least part of this was driven by an extreme sense of shame. I was on disability, after all. What would people (my coworkers, the insurance agents, that ever-present judge and jury manufactured in my head) think if I was enjoying myself?

Cue the wake-up call.

“I think you need accept that this might be forever,” my therapist said. “What can you do, even with your limitations, to reclaim your life?”

I’d later learn that this is textbook ‘ACT’ (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). One core tenet is shifting focus to your personal values and increasing involvement in activities that cultivate those values.

In other words, I needed to stop fighting my reality and make better use of the time I had.

Turns out, it worked wonders. I’m not going to say that it magically cured me, but there’s something there. I am convinced that acceptance and ACT can improve mental health and quality of life for people with chronic conditions.

Lately, I’ve forgotten what I learned. Like the season changed and I threw out all my warm clothes.

Well, it’s cold again. Sure, I may not be ill right now, but I’m undergoing a major career transition, worrying a lot about my hypothetical future children, and feeling grief over the fact so many people around me are starting families or companies or other BLTs (Big Life Things) while I don’t feel ready for any of that.

It’s time to revisit acceptance.

2. Conversation sweetener: stop responding with “I.”

I just noticed how often I respond to someone like this: “I feel the same!” or “One time that happened to me” or “I never knew that.” Basically, turning the conversation back to me. Often, it is unempathetic (even if it’s in an effort to connect).

This week, I’m going to try to do it one fewer time in every conversation.

3. Something I tried (you could too): imagining a perfect day.

I first tried this exercise five years ago in a session with a professional coach. This month, I was reminded of it by Dr. Martha Beck on the Huberman Lab Podcast.

Here’s the pitch: lay down, close your eyes, and imagine (in vivid detail) a typical day in your ideal life.  The more you imagine your perfect day, the closer to reality it becomes. Logic argues that this is a result of better self-directed attention: the more clear you get, the better you become at focusing on the right things. More mystically, Dr. Beck swears that you might just set a miracle (or at least a little serendipity) in motion.

This week, I’ve been getting into bed early, excited to live out my perfect day. I will say that it has helped me find some clarity in what I want from my career. Plus, it’s a great way decompress before bed, putting me into a positive, calm headspace. I’ll let you know when a miracle occurs.

4. Rawdogging down the rabbit hole.

If you’re also wondering how that word became so popular again read this short article or this slightly longer one. I learned that the term is a dysphemism: “instead of making a concept lighter or less offensive, as one might do with a euphemism, [its] more intense for a joking purpose.”

Want to join me in the rabbit hole? More on dysphemisms here.

5. Parting thought:

No Feeling is Final. It’s a line from this Rilke poem. I find myself going back to it again and again.